Hard Work Goes A Long Way

I’ve found myself to be talented of many things. Certain things naturally come to me, but the only thing I know that would bring me from point A to point B is discipline and persistence.

That’s the only thing that comes between one and their dreams-it’s the will to take it above and beyond each and every single day. In reality it gets hard when you’re around a few folks who feel like they gave up on their dreams and feel like they don’t need to think that far ahead. In many ways they will try to convince you to stop following yours and give up on yours. Many of those people will come to try and drain you until you end up where they want you.

I have made it far in my new job role, finding the willingness to move past mediocrity and put passion and love into what I do and I currently love doing it. It is teaching me the ways I need to be if I want to succeed in other parts of my life.

I am extremely grateful for the things I have learned since 2 years ago. I haven’t thought to learn or teach myself anything and spent hours everyday either sulking in my own disappointments or brainwashing myself via movies and television. I was completely uninspired and unmotivated as a mother, wife, and person.

After a few podcasts and different methods of motivating oneself and doing things to improve my life that I feel will improve the lives around me, I am currently able to easily brush past the unnecessary criticism and negativity and find ways to be my truest self. I learned to say no to things that I felt wasn’t serving me and bringing me to to myself. There were some things I had to let go of in order to honor the progress I have taken thus far.

And it’s all never easy. I’m constantly in a battle of joining the crowd and deciding to walk alone. Most times I do and I’m okay with it but sometimes I find little holes of void I want to fill in with mindless social activity but then I find I regret it, filling in pockets of void. I found to be much happier filling in the pockets of void with methods that make me happy and bring me joy.

I try to remember, my why, everyday. I want to work hard so that when an opportunity presents itself I can say I was prepared for it and allow my failures to lead me into better opportunities.

I heard great news today, that my productivity and numbers reflected my doing well and I admitted I get easily unmotivated but I find ways to motivate myself each and everyday and find ways to keep smiling. Even on the worst days I remind myself why I’m here and forgive myself. Just know you can never work too hard but you can always easily fall behind. It’s all about the seasons, in the words of Jim Rhon.

Love,

Martha

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First Day of Kindergarten

First day of Kindergarten.

olivia6

I don’t remember much about being in school but I do remember not really having a great experience. I guess most of what I have been through was a result of ignorance and not having any mentorship or guidance relative to what we deal with in the United States. I am a first generation child of the US. My parents came here long ago and received their citizenship long ago to give me and my sister a better life, tale as old as time. Many people travel outside of the comfort zone of where there are to seek that “better life”.

Fast forward and I have created the second generation. My daughter is the first child I can give all this knowledge to and share experiences with. She and I will relate on many levels as she grows, since her path is headed towards womanhood. As she reaches certain stages in her life, I will be able to guide and love her in this world that is so ever changing and at the same time, predictable.

Nothing has prepared me for today. My emotions have been battered and beaten by the trials and tribulations of adulthood that I barely get emotional anymore and watch movies in order to cry but today, the tears flowed down my face and anxiety creeped up in waves throughout my body as I watched my first and only daughter so enthusiastically set up her backpack on the cubby. I felt my mental breakdown happening. I thought that because she goes to daycare, I would have been able to handle her independence a lot better than I did but my mind and heart knew that this was the new next step of her life. She wasn’t at daycare anymore with her usuals and I was able to witness this milestone.

I was excited and anxious at the same time and my daughter, gave me the comfort I needed to know that she was okay. Meanwhile, the teacher hugged me as I was looking around trying to wipe tears from my eyes, turning away from my daughter so she won’t see that I’m having this slight emotional moment so that I do not to pass it on to her. I took one last peak in the room as the teacher announced, “see you at 2”, watching my daughter gab some toys and play. I walked away feeling the height of my emotions start to settle and feeling my anxiety subside as I took a deep breath in and out and watched all the other mothers, calm as can be, get in their cars and leave. I sat in the car for a moment, contemplating where the time went, remembering all the ways I loved my daughter the past 5 years. Seeing she is now 5 and not a baby anymore.

No amount of books or youtube videos consumed would have been able to get me to comprehend that what we create will go off on their own and we just have to let go each and every time to trust that they will be making the right choices and even to love them if they don’t. I have faith though. I trust that she will attempt to make the right choices and I will not condemn her if she doesn’t but only correct and guide her.

I love you Olivia, I hope one day you can read this and know these are the things I felt with you.

Love,

Martha

Weekend Festivities

Hey guys,

So we just got back from Cleveland on Sunday and spent most of it just around town. It appears the goal was to attend the Puerto Rican parade and let me tell you, there is no culture more proud and loud than Puerto Rican people. Every 3 vehicles that we passed by had a Puerto Rican flag hanging out and it was to the point where my child wanted to join in those festivities.

For the most part we weren’t able to be physical at the parade but we got lucky enough to enjoy the culture in other forms. In the first picture above reflects the picture taken at the Campus Grille restaurant which serves amazing Puerto Rican food.

IMG_0048Of course we couldn’t leave without stopping by one of our favorite Herbalife shops. The one we go to is Westpark Nutrition. They serve amazing shakes and teas. Afterwards we hit the gym right next to the Nutrition Club.

It was a perfectly relaxing weekend filled with shopping for school supplies and filled with coming up with back to school ideas.

Anyway, not much else to report. Just now exploring different ways to improve the content. Let me know if you have any feedback! 🙂

Love,

Martha

Energies

A question presented itself today about energies- that we attract what we are. I used to think that was true and almost at one point I thought it was nothing but the truth. Later on I realized sometimes as humans we can bring out the toxic side we worked so hard to heal- allowing the inhibitions we hid underneath our changes roam wild.

It’s also true that some people find an exact replica of what they are and it works for them. Some people believe opposites attract and in the same sense some people believe they cannot be with someone they don’t have anything in common with. It all comes down to each person with their own preference of what kind of person they’re willing to be with their entire life with or however long they decide. There are so many options because of technology and it makes it that much harder to find that great relationship that withstands it all. In reality, the opportunities and options are endless.

I find myself finding people attracted to similar qualities of themselves to some extent. It’s like there are times you notice certain relationships and you can see why they work so well with each other. I have also found certain people who can’t stand to be with someone like themselves and balance out someone who is nothing like them. Sometimes I wonder what the best recipe is for a relationship, wondering if mine contains the ingredients necessary for long term success, finding that it becomes work to make things continue to work.

I don’t always mean relationships as romantic relationships but relationships that you consider friendships even. There was a point in time that I was naive about that, completely. I find myself to this day still learning. Even though today, I ran into a situation in which I realigned with energy I enjoyed around me before that had awakened passions I didn’t know I had and it had finally reappeared back in my life.

Sometimes it’s ironic how life works. Certain people come into your life to teach you something- anything. Sometimes it’s pain, love, friendship, forgiveness.. etc. but every one teaches you something, something different than the first experience you had with them if they are the same person in a different phase of life. I’ve learned to accept and appreciate that some people come back because they’re meant to be there and if they aren’t, somehow they will disappear back into whatever path that takes them to another direction.

The thing about life is that not always will you be in their path and not always will they be in yours and life is about accepting that. You cannot force, beg, ask, or request that someone does something that is not in alignment with how they feel. Everyone has their own purpose for being here and it won’t be the same as yours. Everyone’s beliefs and experiences won’t be the same as yours and that is why this world is so beautiful and amazing. There is so much to learn from everyone, big or small. It can be as small as learning about the new cafe down your street to as big as the blueprint for a future plan.

It was as if the Universe knew this year, I was asking for a change in me, to wake up and grow into the beautiful life that I have, realizing that I was half asleep for a few months, dreaming. I find myself now, grateful and happy. I was able to mend things that were broken inside of me. I asked myself important questions about how I feel and why I feel them and taking action to fix those things to make the vibe around me much more intentional and less impulsive.

I am ready to continue to learn. Being almost 29 – feeling different than the girl I was 10 years ago with the same passions as the girl I used to be, continuing to grow and build into the things I used to love that I still love. I find it to be the most exhilarating experience.

Life is not to be taken for granted. We only have this one life, this one breath, and this one day to make decisions that will set the tone for the rest of our lives. Most importantly, forgiveness of the self is what will make the experience that much better. Forgive yourself every time and you will find that life isn’t so hard to deal with and that hope will always take you higher into clarity and love within yourself. Never expect anyone to be able to forgive or love you the way you will love you and never let anyones rejection, hurt, or trauma of themselves alter the way you feel and love yourself. Just know you’re worth the breath you’re breathing and take advantage of it everyday.

Above all, I love you and hope you enjoyed today’s message.

Love,

Martha

Self-Growth Is A Constant

Hey loves,

I know I haven’t written since the last post but I have been in the process of doing a lot of growing, book reading, re-evaluating and soul searching. I have had a pretty busy last few weeks also from certain situations arising that take my attention from the things I love to do. But, no harm done- back to the grind, still doing the things that I love.

I am currently riding a wave of newness. A new beginning for me within the firm I work for is approaching therefore giving me excitement for the unknown. I’m still coaching clients via Herbalife, sharing the ideas I have through my social media platforms, and continue to find new skills and talents that I can work on this year to share with the world. I’m beyond excited to be able to!

To give you guys a quick update on the position, it started off as something I have been trying to obtain last year because of the skills I want to gain that I did not have awareness to from my very few years of adulthood. For a quick explanation of what that is, I am in the business now where networking is a requirement for growth. I realize that the best way I can attempt to mold and shape my views/skills is by speaking with and communicating with tons of different people with different personalities without judgment to understand how to adapt to them. I used to believe I wasn’t a people person because I considered myself as an “introvert” or “shy” and really what I ended up finding is that it translated to the fears I have of rejection.

Long story short, this position did not accept me last year but did accept me this year, and in all reality, fell into my lap. The moment I did not get the job last year, I was disappointed but made no issue of dwelling on it. I quickly moved on and found myself in predicaments around people who were going the opposite of positive growth. Luckily the opportunity presented itself again and I decided this was no coincidence, it was the Universe telling me that this was the step I needed to take. My inner voice strongly agreed with it, applied and got it.

I worked extremely hard, since the last time I wrote and still continue to work hard on expanding my mind and opening my mind as well as my heart to the idea that I can design who I am and my life. It has been an extreme breath of fresh air. Ever since, nothing but blessings have come my way. Yes, with some resistance but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t work around.

I have started by taking myself out to dinner or lunch, breaking myself out of the mold I put myself in for so long, finding it unnecessary to require company in order to enjoy life’s simple pleasures. It is insane how your own beliefs can box you up and keep you home because of any inkling of discomfort (I’ve clearly read one too many spiritual books since I started this self-growth journey.)

I have found myself more aware becoming much more inclined to smile and look in someone’s eyes to be able to feel their energy as well as the moment. So many small things that I found myself doing that I stopped myself from believing in for a few years, I started to see become so far removed. I continue to shed each layer of limiting beliefs, conditioning, and habits that kept me from being the best me I can be.

To get a little deeper, I have also found myself in a position that did push me back a few steps. There was something that presented an inner conflict when particular situations and persons appeared in my life. I had in a few occasions started betraying my inner voice, not listening to my gut. I almost felt myself lose control.

I was able to see that I was adding back on the old habits and conditioning. I became again, insecure and feeling my self-esteem starting to shake that my ego started to arise. I didn’t feel like myself anymore at one point. Then, my inner voice shouting as loud as it can in me, pulled me away from the toxicity of the air that was my fear, worry, doubts, and meaningless desires to remind me where I’m going. Still, although a pain to have to go through, all of it was necessary.

It helped me see what it is I truly want, who I was becoming and who I want to be. It helped me also notice how these moments of despair can also easily sprout joy and happiness once the focus shifts. The disappointment and sadness was acknowledged. I let it settle in for a moment. I coddled it and told it that it was okay to visit but that it had to go now. Now, it was time to focus and concentrate on the things that bring me joy and happiness and release any attachments and expectations.

Although some old habits started to latch itself on, it wasn’t strong enough. Luckily I love myself and others far too much to destroy the work and progress I built. My skin became like oil, preventing conditioning and toxicity to hold. Suddenly, they all fell like leaves and blew into the wind. I have been practicing so much forgiveness from that time of my life- forgiving myself and others and letting go as gracefully as I can. In the end, I feel no bitterness. I feel more alive than I ever was because I embrace each moment and truly felt everything. I realize I am less afraid to be vulnerable and that’s where I found my courage.

Now, I am happy because I know that I am not what I have done, what I believe, nor my habits. I know I am not my past. I’ve learned how to find and be the light when it’s dark and also find light in others. I focus now on the intention of what my energy and presence will give when I am somewhere.

I was fortunate enough to come across people who’s light came to touch me and be part of what’s considered my only life’s journey, whether it was good or bad. A million, trillion, billion people in the world, many I don’t know, many places I haven’t seen but I’m beyond blessed, to see the ones I have and know and it doesn’t stop here! Growth is a constant, ever changing, evolution of a revolution against societal conditioning. More to tell later…hopefully soon!

Love,

Martha

The more things seem the same, the more they seem to change.

I’ve been having writers block lately but with the desire to write. I took out my notebook yesterday and my mind wanted to fill up the papers with words I had in my head but I got distracted so I ended up not writing and just did the basic. There’s a foundation I never want to stop and want to continue which is writing as much as possible the five things I’m grateful for.

I have just been doing a lot of spiritual healing, more so having a better attitude and reacting less to triggers. I have grown up in a world where I cared too much about what people thought and how people felt that I couldn’t be as honest as I wanted to be. I am in a space where I’m allowing my values to take over my past and renew my present. I have started to care less about what people say and do and more about what I can do in my own power in response. For a moment I also ran into a hiccup. It’s true when they say that some wounds will appear when you don’t deal with them at the moment that they happen and it’s crazy how much I was even willing to hurt myself because I didn’t love myself enough to address them. Just recently heard a video in which Mel Robbins spoke on a statistic on the odds of being alive right now. 1 in 400 trillion. In short I’m one lucky son of a gun. So even though in a sense I really try not to take my life so seriously now, I still take into consideration the fortune of getting to ride this world in the life that I have been given.

So I found myself in a sea of emotions recently, reminding how human I was and unforgiving I was to myself. I felt as if I was drowning in certain moments, like I couldn’t catch my breath and I was treading for survival. There were wounds that opened up and I had to learn to forgive myself for them. At first I wanted a lot of things to go a particular way because of them but I ultimately figured there’s beauty in the mystery of life. There’s beauty in not forcing things to happen the way that you imagine in your head. There’s beauty in letting life take it’s course and just having the best attitude about it and taking action to ensure the course is smooth.

I found that some things are not forever but that beautiful memories are life’s way of reminding you the great stories you came across being forever for you. Life has a way of introducing even more beautiful memories, much more beautiful than we could reminisce on. So much of that reminded me to focus on the present and I have often had to bring myself back a bunch of times. I am very satisfied in being able to pull myself back though by allowing myself to feel certain things and allowing myself to let go of the fluttering butterfly of emotions that land in the palm of my hands unexpectedly.

I am just lucky, so lucky to have been working on healing my wounds, something I never even thought I’d get to do but I do them so that my daughter won’t pick up the damage. I am also lucky to have been loved, even in those moments when I have felt at my lowest.

Always grateful for the things I experience and happy for life I’m breathing.

Love,

Martha

The “M” Word

Hello again. I have finally reached a moment of absolute clarity to where I can hear my thoughts as full of words unspoken with life that I felt the need to write.

A few weeks ago, I went through one of the worst times of my life since the start of the year. It’s really true what they say when they say you never think it’ll happen to you until it does. To be honest, it wasn’t that I thought it couldn’t happen to me but that it just never occurred to me of it happening until reality set in after the doctor spoke to me about it with sad eyes. Fortunately I read so much about it prior to it happening, that it luckily prepared my mind and eased a lot of thoughts I had.

I went through my first miscarriage. I feel brave to talk about it now because I finally allowed myself to accept it and move forward once we found out it was failing. That word is so strong with the way they said it. They called it a pregnancy failure ultimately. Technically that’s the term used for it but it sounds so negative. I was just fortunate enough to have met this situation with a mind that I’ve been prying open.

It all started when I was late but I was late and not pregnant, so it was very concerning to me what was going on. I had home pregnancies telling me I was pregnant and I had one doctor tell me it was too early to tell. I had to know since I was so late, why it showed I was pregnant when I’m not or if I was pregnant, why wasn’t it showing up? I continued on normalcy by working out and eating healthy. It was just nerve wrecking to not know what was going on until I finally went to my first doctor appointment and we saw the proverbial yolk sac but in my case, no fetal pole. I was stamped with threatened miscarriage which obviously sent me through an emotional downward spiral (with raging hormones no less). I was just stuck in the unknown, maybe a baby will show up but maybe not.

I got knowledgeable with terms and initially I was filled with hope because of all other stories and thinking,  maybe I can save it. I stayed as still as I could for 2 weeks, doing very minimal things, not working out, eating whatever I wanted. I know they say some of these things are inevitable but I couldn’t give up until I was given confirmation that it wasn’t happening.

My body finally took it’s course and did what it had to do to let it go. I felt relief, sad, and grateful all at once. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it at first because I didn’t want any sympathy. I think watching people with their sad eyes when I mention my miscarriage made me more sad than my actual miscarriage and I certainly didn’t want to cry about it. I think I just made it to a point in my life where I felt and knew there was the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt faith in myself and in my life that things will get better. Very shortly after I got over it and got back into my routines and habits. I was able to lift myself back up.

I knew I would because I always did. My mind state was that I would survive this and try again when I felt ready. I wanted to avoid the heartache of having it happen more than once in a year so I’m in no rush. I’m finally at peace with it and thought to myself, I wonder if I was ready anyway. Was there something in the Universe saying that it would be best if I waited longer? I always wondered if I was being protected from something that would’ve came from this. I always decided that if things happened the way it did that I would just trust the process. I knew it could have been worse than it was and for that I am grateful.

I just appreciate the support my mom gave me. I appreciated her more than ever because I’m not sure how well I would’ve went through it without a little bit of support from someone who has gone through it. I realized then how much only a little bit can do but not only that, I was grateful to get to know the experience so that if someone I know goes through it, I’d be able to be there for them too.

If you have any stories, feel free to post whether successful or not ❤ I’m just grateful to be alive, have the one that I do have and have felt love from my spouse throughout it all.

With Love,

Martha