I’m finally alone with my thoughts, still up and wide awake, completely in disbelief at how this past year has been a whirlwind of ups and downs.
People never tell you when you’re younger the things that are talked about around you whether they’re good or bad are a product of just life happening. It really just comes and goes endlessly. No one makes you feel comforted knowing that everything good AND bad happens to almost everyone and everyone’s “good” and “bad” aren’t so different. No one ever tells you it’s okay if you go through them and no one tells you how all you have to do is continue the struggle with a strong mind. Often, society makes it seem like they are ready to tear you down and make you feel inferior when when you aren’t always your best self. We are creatures of impulse, loneliness, confusion, madness, love and yet still manage to maintain some type of innocence deep down inside. There is still the innocence in us, the part of us that wants to feel like we matter, are loved, and are accepted for who we are. Almost every one of us finds ways to bring us closer to it.
We don’t anticipate everything happening so quickly as time passes, wondering what the next day will bring, wondering if we learned anything since yesterday.
All of our life experiences are vital for growth. It’s necessary to go through mistakes and forgive yourself. I was as gentle as I could be with myself, learning to love the woman who was hurt, the woman who was lost, and the woman who fought her way through to love and acceptance. That was the woman I saw during all my phases. The hardest part was staying dedicated to rebuilding myself into the woman who said no to things not serving my mind, body, nor soul in a positive way and placing boundaries where there weren’t before. There were so many teachers this year- so much of it taught me patience.
I have been lucky to have been loved so unconditionally in my life and I have been lucky to study the psychological aspects of the human experience and how to survive it by reading/listening to others’. I was fortunate to not only survive my human experiences but I managed to overcome and take any pieces that have bruised and broken to rearrange and rebuild.
I have learned to embrace loss and find the gains in them through multiple and imperative exercises of the mind, heart, body, and soul. I’m glad I leaned to embrace loss and be unafraid of it. There is a freedom of being unattached to an idea and an expectation that you can’t put a price on.
The gains were in how from beginning to end, I maintained vigor in my desire for my life to flourish and prosper- a priority. I never wanted to come out on the other side empty handed from what I can offer me knowing I can bring my experiences to the table. The only person you can truly depend on, is yourself. The person in the mirror is the only one who can make or break you and your future.