I haven’t been back in a while. I haven’t looked back at my posts yet, but after this I’m going to. I want to know what little nuances I have been occupying my mind with, now that I’m living in a world where my worries are far greater than what used to be my thoughts, far beyond what used to fill it.
We live in a world now of fear, unsure of what tomorrow will bring. Just to document and give you an update of what is going on. There’s currently a pandemic going on. They have just shut down gyms, movie theaters, restaurants, bars, etc. Anything you can think of that promotes social gatherings, it’s gone. The grocery stores that carry essentials, still open. The grocery stores though- nothing but skeletal leftovers stripped off of certain necessities. Toilet paper? Gone. Hand sanitizer? Gone. The thing we rely on most? Internet delivery? The internet shipments? Scarce, barely existent. Hugs and kisses? Not if you want to “survive”.
Not even a week ago, maybe 2 weeks ago. For some reason it felt so long ago- I was happily driving on my way from and to the gym. Not thinking a thing about being afraid of someone coughing, not thinking about how the world could look like. The day was just so ordinary, it was here and gone in a blink of an eye. Now when you cough? Worry, paranoia. Yes, we have become afraid of each other on the surface for the most part. Yet, I do feel lucky to see most people, noticing this fear and doing the best they can, the best we can, to take care of each other. We’re all we have in this world. Now I sit here wondering, what use is the brands, the money, the desire for power, the beautiful houses, vacations, and luxuries when it’s just us humans and this Earth?
It just made me really realize the little things we take for granted. It made me happy that each moment I could have to be happy, I was. Even though during times where I was happy in moments people were upset, people considered me delusional for not worrying about the things they worry about. But I just didn’t want to waste my time being unhappy, worrying about things that I couldn’t control. I wanted to do what I can when I can and focus on the things that brought me joy. I feel like I cherished each moment to be happy. I wanted to save the energy to worry when I really needed to and focus on being happy when I really was. I knew this was a world that had its rules, had its game long before I live and long after I will die. I just thought, I will not die complaining and worrying my life away.
Today, I feel it most-the idea that we are souls passing through this journey, completely and totally unsure of tomorrow, with each moment that passes by, a blessing. I did what I wanted. I said I love you to who I wanted to know that I loved- I continue to say I love you to the ones I want to know that I love. The mistakes I’ve made in the past, seem like distant moments. I don’t even remember some of them anymore. I just now remember the ones that I can keep close to my heart, the ones that I want to carry with me as I move on life.
I feel less inclined to worry about the things that I worried about before. I feel more inclined to care and love where I need to now, where it is welcomed and invited. The thing I feel more alive in me more than ever is hope.
Where there is hope, there is still the will to keep going.
Keep the hope alive -don’t give up. We are each others’ heroes now. It’s up to us to save each other and love each other.